NYC Revisited: Day One

Earlier this year a few girls in my first period class taught me all the wonders of Snapchat. This obviously made me feel old, but also brought me around to capturing the fun moments in life as they arise, writing all over them, and then adding stickers. Like this...

And while instagram is trying to steal the Snap thunder with their story feature, I've only just recently gotten the hang of these, and won't be converting to anything new too soon. So, since you probably aren't one of the four people who ever look at my snaps, let me use them to tell you a little about J-Man's and my trip back to NYC.

First off, it should be noted that Facebook reminded me that J-Man and I have been friends for ten years now. And that's pretty exact, because back in '06 I was pretty quick to add a friend right after meeting them in order to preserve that connection forever. I was in a brand new city, he was a crazy guy who invited me to see spectacles, we were both on a journey to make a difference and be grown-up teachers. Oh, and he had air conditioning.

Ten years later we were back to see another Teaching Fellow, E-Drizzle get married. We hopped on an Amtrak train, left the little guys behind, and set forth into nostalgia.

Within minutes of hailing our first cab (J-Man didn't want to subway and I felt weird using Uber in the world of yellow taxis) we remembered just how loud and smelly and hot and vibrant the city is. We dodged a street fair and multiple ambulances as we swerved our way to the Upper West Side to stay in our friend EK's lovely apartment. There we'd stay alongside another couple attending a different NYC wedding while EK and her husband were off at yet another wedding in Wisconsin.

Within the next hour we bumped into my friend V - who tends to disappear for months at a time - so it was pretty amazing that our paths crossed at all. We promised to catch up later and continued on our way.

E-Drizzle's wedding was lovely, even though we ended up inside rather than the outdoor park as they'd hoped. It was me, J-Man and two other former NYCTF English teachers and we hung out and talked books. My self-published one, another's upcoming poetry one, and another's currently in the query phase one. After some bouts of not feeling very accomplished in life lately, that conversation reminded me to snap out of it and enjoy the things that have made me happy. I wrote a book. It exists, imperfections and all, and it's ok to feel proud of that.

I proceeded to eat too much, meet new people, dance a bit, smile a ton, and have a fantastic time in the upstairs bar reception. The whole event was incredibly New York, and incredibly them and came along with the beauty of remembering my own vows in the place where I met the man I would love more passionately than I could have ever imagined.

cab ride home - 2016

cab ride home 2006

The day was wonderful, the company too, and it was only the first of the fantastic trip.

Grown Up Time

This past weekend was the most adult interaction sans kids that I've had since maybe my solo trip to California in 2014. It was a little weird to see so little of my children, but it was also pretty grand.

First, on Friday night J-Man and I got ourselves a babysitter. We were slow in figuring out the logistics, but I decided to step outside my comfort zone and check in with a new friend at church who has twin sophomore girls and magically it all worked out. As a result we got to spend an evening eating grown up food with no one on our laps or pulling at our arms needing something every few minutes. We talked about grown-up topics, despite still using words like potty out of habit, and got seriously competitive in a guys vs girls battle.

My coca-cola (the first I've had in months which left me feeling like wheeeee!!!!) wore off by around 11 so we scooted out a bit early, but not before impressing ourselves with our weeknight stamina. It also should be noted that J-Man rocked his new suit.

Saturday morning reinvigorated us with kid time as PDG got to cash in his bedtime sticker chart for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. I'd never been before, and I'd love to say I'll never go again. Talk about over-stimulation... Yikes. I mean, I know all we did was spend twenty bucks on tokens and play til they were all gone, but it felt like we'd forked over a lot more of ourselves than that one bill. Some of my sanity might've been left behind too.

As a result, I didn't feel so bad chatting with Miss M via facetime for the majority of lunch and naptime. She's far away in San Francisco, so there's always lots to catch up on, and all the usual grown up topics: babies, houses, bills, job satisfaction etc.

That evening I got to cash in my own Christmas gift and head to the Kennedy Center with my friend Miss S. There we got to see Darren Criss (Blaine from Glee) and Betsy Wolfe (whom I now want to see in more shows asap) sing along with the National Symphony. It. Was. Awesome. My musical theatre nerdiness was fully reinvigorated and J-Man spoiled us with super amazing seats.

If you're thinking, yeah Nicole, that's a lot of grown-up time, just wait. On Sunday, I had my Sunday School and Relief Society classes where I could enjoy lessons knowing that PDG was happily learning and MDG too. In fact, for the first time in the nine months since MDG has been old enough to attend the nursery program (like babysitting with a short lesson and snack and singing time), he finally went in without crying. Not only that, he ran over to the guy who always holds and comforts him while he cries, and gave him a big, happy hug.  I know the crying never lasts too long, but what a little miracle to see it not even start.

Then lastly, Sunday afternoon I went Visiting Teaching (every woman 18+ gets assigned someone to visit her once a month and/or check in periodically) and this was my first time going in years. My companion and I checked in with three different ladies, saw a couple beautiful A-town houses and chatted far longer than anticipated.

But as we soaked in the sunshine together as a family when we could these past days, there's been no doubt my favorite place to interact. With these silly, happy, loving boys of mine.

Conversation Snapshots

Here are some sample conversations from this week:

The first day

4:30pm - Me: Mama doesn't feel like cooking. How about Happy Meals?

PDG and MDG: Yeah!

5:00-5:05pm - silent stuffing of faces. Nuggets. Fries. Sauce. Gogurt. Apple Juice.

5:08pm - PDG:  Mommy, my tummy hurts.

5:09pm - PDG: Bleggghhhh (is that how you type the sound of massive projectile vomiting?)

5:11pm - PDG: Mommy, I'm hungry. Can I have some dinner?

The Next Day - via text

Mama H: I can't put your book down!

Me: Really?! (book and smiley emojis)

Mama H: Yes. Dad called for me to help him and I made him wait! I can't believe she [spoiler]! Gotta go. Can't wait to see how this goes.


The Next Day in a last minute faculty meeting

Assistant Principal: We need each of you to use one of your planning periods to make continuous laps of the school checking every stall in every student bathroom and noting the time and what you find.

My inner monologue: I can tell you what I'll find in girls' bathrooms, and it will be disgusting, smelly, and likely bloody. Also, I miss New York and its union, where no one could make me do this crap without extra pay. Yes, a bathroom pun. Let's see how many of these I can work in until this temporary duty is over. Doo-ty. Score, another one.


The Next Day in a lesson on formal commands and giving directions around town

Student who mostly communicates through grunts: Sra G, you're the best Spanish teacher.
Me: We're all good. We just have different styles.
SWMCTG: No, you're the best.
Me: Well, then, gracias. Now back to work.

So yeah, a week of ups and downs.

I Wrote a Thing

Oh man, I haven't felt this full of anxiety since the day I decided to announce I have a blog on Facebook. I forgot what a tingly and terrible headache comes with pressing "post."

I've been busy the last few days, finishing up my goal of getting this book published before the end of the year. I sort of wanted to say "screw it" and not rush publishing under the guise of waiting until I'd written a sequel, or something better, or just had the perfect cover and website built for it and so on. Let's be real, I had a lot of excuses, and they sounded good.

J-Man asked me why the panic attack today - like I said, it's been a long time since my anxiety won over my brain, and it's a really unpleasant feeling that transmits this terrifying fear that you'll never not feel this way or have a resting heartbeat again - and I couldn't really explain it. As I'd talk, the rationale became less and less, well, rational. See, the thing I published is this:

But, what you find out a few pages in, is that it has some swear words. And some kinda steamy scenes. Not gratuitous, but they're there. And there are people from church on my Facebook and so what if....

What if what? Right? Someone's going to think I'm a terrible person? Come on. That's ridiculous. I mean, I suppose someone could think I'm a terrible person, but it's doubtful it would take them the act of purchasing my book and reading partway through before suddenly jumping to that conclusion.

But there are also published authors and writers on my friends list. One who's had more than one front page NY Times article and another whose show is going on Broadway later this year. Professors and PhD's and...

So? They know that writing is scary and time-consuming and something to be proud of, even when no one reads it. If they say "congrats" they aren't sending some weird passive-aggressive commentary that should make me feel bad about myself. Who the heck spins "congrats" into negative feedback anyway? Besides me, that is.

This is the sort of conversation bouncing around my fiery brain all day. Thankfully I spent most of the day at the Kennedy Center seeing Bright Star, which I highly recommend if you like musicals and/or banjos.

Anyway, I'm ok, because at the end of the day, I decided to do it. I tried the traditional agent route and it didn't work. They gave me kind feedback, the ones that read it, which was more than I ever expected to happen. My too-many years of making up stories with my Fisher Price Little People actually lead to real life professionals considering whether to pursue a plot I dreamt up and pieced together during nap times and bed times and backyard wild times. That's its own little miracle.

With the confidence from them, and some of you, I checked out Amazon's user-friendly process of creating an e-book, and here I am. Published with a different last name.

Now, as for my 2016 resolution, I'm keeping it nice and simple. Drink more water.

I think I can avoid a xanax-worthy status update coming your way in early 2017 on that one. Ha!