May and Me

I've been trying to practice intentional self care these past few weeks. (Don't I sound so in touch with my 2017 self in that sentence?) For real though, I know there are plenty of self-help books to tell me how to navigate the incredibly emotionally exhausting roller coaster of likely divorce, but none of them are actually written just for me and my marriage so it's still a lot of trial and error.

You know, like how I spent the first full weekend J-Man got with the kids alternating between watching Thirteen Reasons Why and packing all his things - therefore obsessing over memories in certain clothes and sobbing over tucked away love notes. That was a rough forty-eight hours...

Instead, I've been using the month of May to avoid sliding into depression or terrible binge teen tv-watching by keeping busy. First there was  SA's wedding (I guess I should call her Dr. S, or really double Dr. S with the whole MD/PhD amazingness she has going on). Then a friend invited me to a hot yoga class. I should clarify it wasn't technically bikram because the thermostat only read 99 degrees but that's hot to me. And despite having to occasionally take breathing breaks in child's pose, I was pretty impressed with how well I rocked those 75 minutes. Also all the cheesy yoga talk about feeling open and refreshed and centered really applied. So the next week I bought a yoga mat and my first official pair of yoga pants and have been trying out videos in my living room since. Even the boys have gotten in on the action.

A different weekend I went to visit FR in New York. Sadly EK wasn't there since she is a a professional wedding attendee (or so it seems) but FR and I had plenty to keep us chatting. Our lives may not be mirror images, but I know I found it therapeutic and comforting to talk and talk and walk and eat and talk the whole time. She shared a favorite breakfast spot with me and I shared a favorite with her from my and DrDrSA's time in NYC - only 2.5 blocks from FR! - and we mutually indulged in our love of Central Park and Broadway. The musical we saw was War Paint, and those impressive voices almost made us dip into Sephora to buy some face cream. Then we decided that until we're real make-up wearers, we'll save our cash and pray the wrinkles appear slowly and gracefully.

This weekend, while I didn't expressly celebrate fallen soldiers, I did hang out with veteran Big O and KB's family for a fantastic cookout. I also did a 24 hour trip to Winchester where the boys got their rural activity fill by burning trash, riding the Gator, walking to the mailbox with Granddad, and checking on the garden.

Today we hit up a favorite A-town spot and watched the planes take off above our heads. They love the loud noise and the feeling like you can reach up and touch the giant jet-liners.

That and tossing rocks in the river, quacking at ducks, waving at turtles, and making new friends. For me it was a nice break from their recent need to be Captain Underpants. All. Day. Long.

All this to say that I didn't magically flip a switch on my birthday and stop feeling sad or crying, but May's been good. I'm being good to myself. So here's hoping June's more of the same, if not better.

NYC Revisited: Day Two

The morning after the wedding we slept in until a whopping 8:30. (Full disclosure I woke up at 5:45 and remembered I could keep sleeping, again at 7 and figured why not see what happened, and then at 8:30 knew that this was the latest my body could possibly understand how to stay asleep).

After a cute breakfast enjoying outdoor seating and people-watching we lazily set up our plan for the day. It revolved around eating, and particularly tracking down a portobello mushroom sandwich with mozzarella and tomato and zucchini that had once made me briefly consider being a vegetarian. We've thought about this appetizer for years and were so excited to see that even though restaurants like Orbit and Creole and One Fish Two Fish are no longer in existence, Ricardo's still was.

J-Man and I soon set off to walk from 80th and Broadway across the park and uptown to 110th and 2nd. We stopped to take some photos, though J-Man reminded me that we didn't need many. After all, we once lived here, and we can come back whenever. Still, I wanted to capture some cuteness.

By the time we'd crossed the park my legs were already laughing at me and my suburb-driving self that doesn't exercise. My hips were like "you know we could've taken a cab right? or a bus or train or uber or horse carriage..." I grabbed a Snapple from a street vendor and told those legs to shove it. I'm still as city fit as I was at 22. In my mind.

Crossing back uptown was a fun adventure. The shift in color and culture of the people on the street came a little farther north than it used to, and people were actually brunching outside above 96th street. But soon enough we were back in our neighborhood. We blended in again, the Spanish chatter started to pick up, and the city transformed into what somehow once was home. Sure enough, as we turned the final corner, there was Ricardo's just as we'd remembered it.

Actually, it was busier than we remembered. And there was a DJ playing poppy hip-hop music. We waited for a table and looked over the brunch menu only to find... what?! No portobello?!?!? How had we not considered once that the menu could have changed in the eight years since we'd last visited? We had to laugh and roll our eyes at ourselves. Of course New York was changing without us. Luckily, the menu was still delicious, and while I'm not a food-picture-taker in general, I did snap this little beauty. Maybe it'll still be around in eight more years?

We walked another six blocks north to see if Mojitos was still around too. That place was our staple once upon a time. Work happy hours, late night tacos, flaming cucarachas. Not only was it going strong, but 116th had some sort of street fair happening. It reminded me of the week after I moved in and the Puerto Rican festival just popped up outside my window. I know when Papa H dropped me off in Harlem the day after my ivy-covered college graduation we were all a little nervous about the neighborhood, but I felt nothing but happy memories standing on the corner.

And J-Man had nothing but good memories standing on his own old stoop too, just a block away from mine.

In case you're wondering, my legs insisted that we cab it back and relax for a few hours next. We watched Spotlight and dozed before starting up friend time. Highly recommended by the way.

Our next food focal point was Tony's Di Napoli. I know there's tons of great Italian food in this city so not everyone will agree, but this one is our favorite. It was always a reliable meal I could take my parents to without exotic cuisine fusions dominating the menu. V joined us - providing stories that could prove to our other college friends that she does still exist and work and isn't on a top secret government assignment - and so did Miss F.  We ordered our favorite zucchini chips and ziti and J-Man's only acceptable chicken marsala. Conversation floated from stealing babies to AMNH exhibits to new job opportunities and of course, the boys we missed so dearly. Also, because V is quite elusive - I took some proof of life.

Back on the west side we finally got to see EK and her husband and thank them for letting us treat their apartment as our personal hotel for the weekend. EK, Miss F and I ate sweets and caught up on life while the boys chatted and discussed the Olympic gymnast's compound fracture.

It was all quite lovely. A perfect little trip. And exhausted we all headed to bed happy.

Oh, and because I like snapchat still, here's my story :)

Silly Cakes

PDG and MDG both love to play on J-Man's and my phones. Maybe we shouldn't let them? I don't know. Regardless, they do. They used to love to scroll through photos of themselves. Then they moved on to some toddler apps that teach colors and numbers and the stuff that you're not supposed to expect a device to teach them, but in reality what can a little screen-reinforcement hurt on the topic? Sometimes they make their way to Netflix for some Daniel Tiger, Super Why, Chuggington or even occasionally the short-lived and intense Russian series Masha's Tales.

And also, as I've probably mentioned before, they love youtube. The thing about youtube is it remembers what you've watched before, and gives you suggestions. If, heaven forbid, I've watched a grown-up video (don't think badly of me here, I'm talking the soundtrack to Last Five Years, or the video for Bieber's Love Yourself or anything else that doesn't feature puppets or nursery rhymes) the boys get upset wanting to know where their videos are and insisting I get back to those bright and animated suggestions.

But once the suggestions pop up, especially when MDG takes the lead, it's a rapid fire roulette of clips. One video leads to another, to another, often with none of them being finished, until they land on either a) something they love or b) something they've explicitly been told to avoid. Again, don't go to bad places with this. I'm talking videos of people opening toys or eggs and showing how they work. Somewhere in the world millions of children or adults are watching these videos, but they are strictly prohibited in the G household. Want to know how toys work? Go play with any of the ones currently sitting stagnant in either of the giant toyboxes we own.

So, anyway, one day the boys got really quiet - never a good sign - and when J-Man and I realized they were watching what must've been an off limits video, we checked it out. Sure enough, it was someone explaining how something worked. Only the product wasn't in English packaging. And it wasn't a toy. It was Japanese gummy sushi candies. PDG explained that they were silly cakes, and the name stuck.

Also, surprise surprise, J-Man decided he had to get his hands on this treat. He went to the always trustworthy Amazon, ordered some silly cakes from Japan, and we waited the weeks for them to arrive.

They were a success. The boys loved them. It was daddy son bonding time. And apparently they taste good to grown-ups too. Plus, with the magic of youtube, we knew we could find videos in English of how the whole thing works.

Since then we've ordered them twice more, and the boys love making silly cakes with daddy. There's measuring and mixing and near chem-lab precision, and in the end, a tiny tasty treat. Highly recommended.

And, for my one Texas friend who will have any idea what I'm talking about, making these is like mashing together memories of our Thursdays in NYC at Wasabi Lobby and that Tasti D-Lite with all the gummies by the pound. Now all we need is a way to incorporate Grey's Anatomy and its decline into whine central...

PDG Turns Four!

Well, it happened. My little baby PDG got all grown on me and now is a whopping four years old. He's still my little PDG Pie though, and I still want to eat him up!

At any rate, turning four apparently means a lot of celebrating. I mean, there was the sleepover the week before, and then the anticipation of a daily countdown from then until the 12th.

On Friday we took some cupcakes (because PDG insisted that this year he wanted cupcakes and cake) to his daycare. All the big kids happily sang to him, especially knowing they got a treat for having done absolutely nothing. That's the best part about birthdays right - getting treats just for existing? Even better when it's just for someone else existing.

Saturday PDG awoke fully aware it was the big day, and unable to contain his excitement. By the time Mama and Papa H arrived, we knew there'd be no nap. Instead, we made cupcakes.

Before the official party at 5pm, we had to give in and do some presents early because somebody just coud not wait another minute.

Sidenote: PDG's current fascination with puzzles is driving J-Man's fight against tiny toy pieces struggle to the limits.

We decided on a not-quite party this year. Paw Patrol ribbon, TMNT napkins, and Batman plates with a random pin the tail on the donkey and tons of fruit and pizza made for an odd assortment of decorations and a menu.

PDG loved it though. LOVED it. And with his very very best friend Lil O, as well as his neighborhood church crew and a happy-to-tag-along Charlie, it was the most kid activity our backyarad has seen yet. And by far the most our living room has endured. Thank heavens for Lego Movie on DVR to keep us warm as the sun started to set.

All in all, a great day celebrating a great kid.

And before I forget, his stats. He's 40lbs even - 81% - and 44 inches tall - 98%. He could answer most of the doctor's questions, but clearly I need to get him a tutor so he knows how to answer "what gallops?" next time. (Honestly, can doctors give us a cheat sheet ahead of time so I can teach to the test? Not that I do that as a teacher or anything, but my competitive edge totally took over and I really wanted my kid in the 99% in the 'random doctor questions at a checkup' category too. I'm just sayin'...)

Hugs and kisses to my big little baby.

Spring and Sleeping Over

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of spring approaching. With spring come a bunch of birthdays, including Big Bro hitting a major milestone, and my little PDG coming up on birthday number four. FOUR! It hasn't happened yet, but the countdown hit single digits and that has us all feeling a bit like this.

Also, we've been enjoying our new "silly app" these past few weeks making videos along that vain. If you haven't played with #msqrd yet, I totally encourage it. And then please send me your videos so I can laugh at with you.

The bursts of warm weather are getting more consistent too, allowing for photos like this

and this

and this.

But the biggest development is that PDG got to have his very first sleepover. And who better to invite than his very very best friend Lil O? So KB and I got to further our plans of manufacturing our kids' bff-dom by adding "survived first sleepover together" to their list of reasons they should always hang out.

Lil O came over after preschool on Friday, which tested PDG's patience for a solid two hours when every gust of wind outside was disappointingly not yet his best friend. Until it was. And he came bringing a happy meal from Old McDonalds. After stuffing faces they got to run around and make messes (and then do a pretty awesome job cleaning up messes) and eventually got down to bedtime business.

Lil O got to try out his brand new Batman sleeping bag, which naturally made both MDG and PDG wish they were the ones on the floor. Then lights out to three toddlers in one tiny bedroom. Did they go right to sleep? Did you go right to sleep at sleepovers with your best friends? Yeah, neither did they. Finally around 9:39pm I turned to J-Man and said, "I don't hear anyone anymore." And then, at 5:40am I turned to J-Man and said, "you think they're really up?"

There was breakfast, a few cartoons, a lot of train tracks and blocks and every other toy in all the toy chests (minus legos, I have my limits!) and then off to the library for story time.

We were so certain they were tuckered out enough to nap after leaving the library and saying some sad goodbyes (like they wouldn't see each other in a week for the cake and presents party). Maybe Lil O did. PDG was far too hyped from the best night ever to give in to anybody's sleep.

So while Saturday night ended in much earlier bedtimes than anyone in the G house might readily admit, it was worth it for all the smiles.

Grown Up Time

This past weekend was the most adult interaction sans kids that I've had since maybe my solo trip to California in 2014. It was a little weird to see so little of my children, but it was also pretty grand.

First, on Friday night J-Man and I got ourselves a babysitter. We were slow in figuring out the logistics, but I decided to step outside my comfort zone and check in with a new friend at church who has twin sophomore girls and magically it all worked out. As a result we got to spend an evening eating grown up food with no one on our laps or pulling at our arms needing something every few minutes. We talked about grown-up topics, despite still using words like potty out of habit, and got seriously competitive in a guys vs girls battle.

My coca-cola (the first I've had in months which left me feeling like wheeeee!!!!) wore off by around 11 so we scooted out a bit early, but not before impressing ourselves with our weeknight stamina. It also should be noted that J-Man rocked his new suit.

Saturday morning reinvigorated us with kid time as PDG got to cash in his bedtime sticker chart for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. I'd never been before, and I'd love to say I'll never go again. Talk about over-stimulation... Yikes. I mean, I know all we did was spend twenty bucks on tokens and play til they were all gone, but it felt like we'd forked over a lot more of ourselves than that one bill. Some of my sanity might've been left behind too.

As a result, I didn't feel so bad chatting with Miss M via facetime for the majority of lunch and naptime. She's far away in San Francisco, so there's always lots to catch up on, and all the usual grown up topics: babies, houses, bills, job satisfaction etc.

That evening I got to cash in my own Christmas gift and head to the Kennedy Center with my friend Miss S. There we got to see Darren Criss (Blaine from Glee) and Betsy Wolfe (whom I now want to see in more shows asap) sing along with the National Symphony. It. Was. Awesome. My musical theatre nerdiness was fully reinvigorated and J-Man spoiled us with super amazing seats.

If you're thinking, yeah Nicole, that's a lot of grown-up time, just wait. On Sunday, I had my Sunday School and Relief Society classes where I could enjoy lessons knowing that PDG was happily learning and MDG too. In fact, for the first time in the nine months since MDG has been old enough to attend the nursery program (like babysitting with a short lesson and snack and singing time), he finally went in without crying. Not only that, he ran over to the guy who always holds and comforts him while he cries, and gave him a big, happy hug.  I know the crying never lasts too long, but what a little miracle to see it not even start.

Then lastly, Sunday afternoon I went Visiting Teaching (every woman 18+ gets assigned someone to visit her once a month and/or check in periodically) and this was my first time going in years. My companion and I checked in with three different ladies, saw a couple beautiful A-town houses and chatted far longer than anticipated.

But as we soaked in the sunshine together as a family when we could these past days, there's been no doubt my favorite place to interact. With these silly, happy, loving boys of mine.

Snowzilla

As I mentioned before, we were out for seven snow days. The first was for the two inches that caught the DMV by surprise. The second was because no one knew for certain what time the snow was starting on Friday, and hence we all needed to be tucked safely away with milk, bread, and televisions blasting fear and fantasy at us from all angles.

J-Man, after having two separate flights get canceled in advance, was able to catch an early morning flight to DC, before the airports all closed up shop. By lunch we had him, a serious stash of snacks on hand, freezer meals ready to thaw, and a sense of "ok, let's do this thing" at the ready.

The snow came fast and furious that afternoon, all night long, and all day the next day, not ending until well after bedtime Saturday night. We halfheartedly did some of that shoveling and playtime during the height of the storm. MDG hated it, PDG wanted to like it, and J-Man was mostly in awe at how much snow can fall from the sky.

before going out

uncertain in the midst of it

hot chocolate reward

Even though I don't watch Game of Thrones, this was still my favorite meme of the storm.

Once the snow stopped, we got down to business. Sunday the Mormon neighbors hosted all the Mormon families within walking distance for a pot luck lunch. We're a pretty prepared bunch, so it was delicious, but we're also a procreating bunch, so there were a lot of children occupying a duplex hardly larger than my own. This particular family has a basement, so with Aladdin playing downstairs, the adults got through a game of Taboo upstairs that was only slightly interrupted by the five two-year-olds whose attention spans are too short for a full Disney production.

When the shoveling really commenced, sometime late Monday afternoon when we saw the one and only plow we would ever see, it was like that scene at the start of Beauty and the Beast when everyone comes outdoors and knows each other and is part of a happy wonderland. A snowy, back-breaking wonderland, but chipper nonetheless. The kids ran around on the snow mountains while the adults tackled driveway after driveway together, making sure everyone could get out the next day when work presumably would return. Turns out J-Man and I own the worst two shovels on the block, but we did our part.

The days passed with no predictability at all. Unlike Camp Nicole, with frequent outings to parks and scheduled time for just about everything, we took each day flying by the seat of our pants. Blanket forts? Ok! Turning snow mountains into slides? Sure! Jumping in puddles of melting snow? Rather not but, oh, ok, you're going to do it anyway... Yay!

I also started watching this Australian teen dance show on Netflix.  I'll just let that sit there for a while.

The boys went to daycare twice, the mornings I wasn't worried about black ice from refrozen snow melt, and I had a chance to clean the house from all the sand and salt and general chaos of days off. That plus PDG started wetting the bed again for the first time in almost a year, so that's been.... not awesome.

But that brings us here, back to reality and work and finally warmer temperatures that are melting the remnants of those two feet of snow. I should be more excited about this return to normalcy. But if I'm being honest, I'm already looking at the 10-day forecast on my phone, secretly hoping to see another snowflake somewhere in the future. Not another two feet or anything, maybe just a good 1-3 inches. Preferrably on a Tuesday night. Enough for a no school Wednesday and delay Thursday. Because, truly, it's all quite magical at the beginning.