But Facebook, Do I Have to Remember?

If you're on Facebook, which even Mama H is these days (can you believe it?!), then you probably get reminded all the time of pictures you posted on this date in years past. I think someone in California was like, how can we force people to look at other people's weddings and babies over and over and over again without the original poster being even more obnoxious than they already might be.

So, issue #1 - if I already liked the picture in the past I don't know if it makes me a bad person not to like it again however many years later. I mean, some posts are hilarious or over the top precious, and it is interesting to see time flying for things like first days of school and such. But honestly, that's not always the case.

Issue #2 though is that Facebook has decided to remind me, at least once a week, that I used to be in this giddy, adorable relationship. The kind that makes you post cute photos of you and your boyfriend/fiance/spouse doing cutesy date activities because you're so darn happy and it will never end.

Now I don't negate the happiness. Read the blog. I was head over heels enamored for a very long time. I just sometimes wake up and remember the state JG and I have now found ourselves in and the last thing I want to do is see how awesome we were. I'm glad we were. I truly am. I love our history and our beginning and more than anything I love these crazy, awesome. adorable. ridiculous boys we created together. They're the absolute best ever. I will always be thankful I fell in love in New York and took a risk on the man I married because all the heartache is still worth it. And, as evidenced in the flashbacks, most of it for a very long time was not heartache. It was bliss and comfort and companionship.

So maybe there's a button that a younger millennial can show me to avoid the barrage of happy memories? Or maybe part of moving on and adapting to change is learning how to accept the past being launched at your face when you'd really rather be mindlessly scrolling and liking happy babies and weddings and vacation getaways.

I don't know.

Either way, it's not like it would help me forget the dates that matter over the summer and fall months. I mean, I still remember birthdays of kids I went to elementary school with. I'm not going to forget August 15th. November 12th. September 6th. Or September 4th or 5th or the other September 6th that eventually led to February 6th. Maybe this whole elephant brain is gonna get me year after year even if I do take a Facebook hiatus.

But when I invent my time machine - along with unsending quite a few emails, being way more thoughtful with certain college decisions, finding the cross streets of the bar from spectacle night, and spending more time with Mom-Mom that final year - I'm going to insert a bunch of ridiculous posts on Facebook to be seen only by me, so that when I return to the present 2017 I can be reminded of cute things like rabbits and pigs napping together, clouds that look like unicorns, me sleeping eight hours uninterrupted and so on. Facebook can remind me of that as much as it wants. I'll smile as I start my daily scroll. I won't repost unless it's over the top adorable. And when I'm ready for all the emotions, then I'll click on old albums or return to old blog posts here to relive the magical and heart-wrenching story of my first great love.

Love Notes

Not everything PDG and I talk about these days is as heavy as race. For instance, one day this summer he came up and showed me this note.

The conversation went as follows:

PDG: Mommy, I wrote you a note
Me: Aw, thanks. What does it say?
PDG: "Dear Mommy. From PDG. I hope you like it."

Then my heart melted into a puddle on the floor and we hugged with one of those awesome full body hugs that he gives now and will certainly deny ten years down the road.

I love this kid.

Cuddle Bros

A week or so ago I was having a blah day, just chugging it out until winter vacation, and it felt like bedtime couldn't come fast enough - for the kids and for me. In an act of desperation gave in to yet another Daniel Tiger episode rather than be the screen time enforcer and went off to do something in the kitchen. When I came back to check on the boys I found them like this.

My heart melted. They'd found the mexiblanket on their own, and snuggled together without any prodding from me or J-Man. MDG had his "beeball," PDG one of his wrong-holiday books and someone had been obviously sneaking snacks on the couches, but otherwise it was perfection.

Pretty sure I went to bed with a smile that night. (probably around eight o'clock...)

Halloween Happenings 2015

You guys, the scariest thing happened on Halloween night.... I dreamed I was pregnant! It keeps happening and I keep waking up with the same unsettled feeling. I think it's because a coworker is talking about babies a ton as she gears up to start trying this spring, and given my whole crazy birth control history, I have little faith in my body to follow my program.

I love babies. I do. It was super cute to Facetime with baby C last night in her adorable pumpkin onesie. I've hit like on just about every Facebook post of kids under age one on my timeline. I can't wait for more of my friends to be at the point where they're ready for pregnancies and babies too (but zero pressure, ladies). I just keep remembering how much crazy work goes into the beginning.

Thankfully, the rest of Halloween weekend was less terrifying. We kicked it off with a trip to J-Man's work. Once again they went all out with decorations everywhere. Cubicles were covered in streamers and lights and candy and even some outdoor inflatables. The boys practiced their "trick-or-treat" or "treat" as MDG preferred, and PDG corrected everyone who thought MDG was a dinosaur instead of a dragon. I mean, what knight hangs out with dinosaurs??

Saturday we woke up with too much energy for 6:30am so we made plans with my work BFF and her kids at an indoor trampoline park. Lots of fun but lots of money. It made me want to open one of those in a town that doesn't have one yet and rake in the dough.

After buying too much candy and having an unsuccessful mama/PDG naptime, we lit the rotting pumpkins, velcroed on the costumes, and set out to go door to door.

We kept it simple, just walking up and down our own Mormon Street, and even bumped into some kids we know from Nursery. J-Man and I lagged behind a bit, letting PDG work on his social skills of walkiing up by himself to ask for candy and say thank you on his own.

What a big kid he's becoming. So grown up. No wonder I dreamed about more babies. This guy is so far from a baby I almost don't remember the four months of ear-piercing screams every two hours.

Almost.

We got back to the house and counted our stash. The boys each picked three to eat before reluctantly letting us place their pumpkin baskets out of reach. Then, even more confused, they helped us pass out other candy to other kids who came to our door.

The up side is they got to stay awake a whole extra hour. J-Man and I thought it might help our chances of last night's Fall Back not screwing over our morning. It didn't help anything though. They awoke at 5:30 like it was 6:30 and are currently showering with J-Man while I search the internet for that meme all my fellow parent friends were sharing yesterday.  Ok, found it, here you go...

Still, even with the early rising and the crazy sugar rush adrenaline craziness and the additional mandatory teeth brushing over the past 48 hours, it's been a good run.

Now, time to eat their candy and pretend like nothing happened...

Those Perfect Pumpkin Pictures

Now that I’m blogging again, I’ve been thinking about mom guilt. If you don’t have mom guilt, you’re either a) not a mom or b) way more evolved than I am. In either case, we are on totally different wavelengths because mom guilt and I battle it out all the time.

Sometimes, the battle is simple. For example: I know too much screen time is bad. I also know that there are few tears in my house that free reign of youtube doesn’t solve. I push the guilt aside and swear that I don’t give in too, too much. Then I pass my phone along and adjust to endless Wheels on the Bus or, worse, the Gummy Bear song. I’m proud to say I also draw the line when PDG starts watching those ridiculous videos of people unwrapping toys to show how they work. How does he keep finding  those?! Or the ones with kinder eggs?!? The internet is weird.

Anyway.

My recent battle should be straightforward too. It’s the whole insta-mom thing. Like, if I’m being honest, I’m a bad mom instagrammer. My boys do so many cute things. More cute things than any other mom’s boys because they’re my boys and that’s how motherhood works. But somehow, on Instagram and Facebook, and the other social media websites I’m too dusty to figure out yet (I hear dusty is a word the kids say these days about us old folks) other moms are totally winning. At the pumpkin patch, their kids actually sit by a pumpkin and smile while looking at the camera, showing teeth, and twinkling their eyes. Mine? Well, here’s the best I got.

Not horrible, I know, but we were there for hours. We did a billion slides. We rode a hayride (ok, in fairness, I almost lost my phone in the hay and PDG did spend the first few minutes crying in fear so pictures were low on the agenda). We got to pet animals and run free with our best friends. We picked out pumpkins for the family. I should have a whole album edited in the perfect filters, right?

Well, I think I'm failing. I feel a little guilty, and the only thing making me feel better is that hey, at least these couple pictures I did happen to capture can now be forever commemorated on this website. Because I will keep writing. I will.

You know how I know? PDG asked for “Welcome to New York” yesterday morning in the car. It was (embarrassingly enough) the music I was jamming to when I was writing my story last spring and once again got me itching to type away. So while I need a better muse than T-Swizz, I’m back in this blogging thing for the long haul. And if I can wrap my brain around it, I’m going to be ok with the few imperfect shots I do manage to take of my boys along the way.  

from a few weeks ago

So Much Snow

The east coast has been one snowy winter mess this year.  It's kind of a blessing - like free maternity leave sprinkled throughout my re-entrance to the working world.  But it's also been a lot of snow.  Maybe, possibly, too much?

PDG loves to say "snow," but isn't totally sure about it beyond that.  Especially during the last storm where our 8 or so inches kept getting him "stuck." Then he'd pout and call for help and act like the world was ending until we would stand him up, have him take another step, and repeat the process. J-Man did make him a snowman, but even then he was pretty unimpressed.

Instead we've done things like run around inside, making a mess, watch too much tv, eat too much sugar, and read and reread and reread his favorite books: Who's Hiding, Brown Bear Brown Bear, The Monster at the end of this Book, and some random ones about Barney's food friends and Veggie Tales and Bobo's blue jacket.

And on Valentines Day, rather than making cards with my students, I soaked up hugs and kisses from my runny-nosed boys and made them pose for pictures

November Thanks but No Thanks

Oh friends, what a trying first week of November this has been.  Rather than lament what feels like one disaster after another, I'm going to try to channel some of that Facebook what-I'm-grateful-for November attitude and reframe it all.

So with that said I'm grateful that....

1) PDG's doctor's office is open late.  Much better than a $200 emergency room visit when his random 102.5 fever joined up with crazy huge welts all over his body.  fyi - hives.

2) amoxicillin tastes like bubble gum.  Makes 10 days of antibiotics for strep for a 19 month old actually possible to administer.  Benadryl - work on that, would you? (did you know strep can cause hives? weird)

3) PDG is old enough for, and loves going to, nursery at church.  I do feel guilty sometimes at wanting to spend any more time away from him than I already do, but since he turned 18 months and started getting to attend Nursery, I've gotten to feel like I'm getting more out of Sunday School and Relief Society again.  Plus, it's helped him learn to fold his arms to pray - super duper adorable.

4) My nesting carried over into having my 1st quarter grades entered well before the deadline on Tuesday.  Otherwise I would've joined the ranks of teachers flipping out that our electronic gradebook shut down the three school days before all grades/comments were due.  Instead I got to spend all day making copies of worksheets for the next six weeks and weekly outlines of lesson plans for whenever this baby MDG decides to show up.

5) NPR keeps me calm when a tractor trailer full of fuel crashes on I-95 south, shutting down the entire interstate, and turning my 30 minute commute into a 90 minute one.  No longer can I say I've never been late to work.

6) Mama H answers the phone as early as 5:30am.  (Sorry Mama H for all the calls this week!)

7) Papa H insists I keep AAA coverage.  When stranded on the side of the road with a dead car and a very active toddler, knowing help is on the way is one of few positive thoughts

8) My coworkers are as excited about this baby as I am.  So when I thought my water might have broken during 1st period (I'll end details there for TMI reasons) I had an army of women getting a sub to cover, walking me to the bathroom, and getting me a ride to L&D to get checked out.  Of course, as you probably guessed, it wasn't my water.  And not enough contractions to move things along.  But a good practice run I guess.

9) PDG can cheer up just about anyone.  After this long week, and particularly long day, I told PDG it was time to go "night night." Because he's a strange little boy who loves bedtime - don't hate me, ok? - he immediately put down his toy, started waving his arms to say bye, and then looked at J-Man.  He stopped, smiled, said "kiss" and then walked over and gave his daddy a kiss.  Then he began climbing the stairs waving at us both again and repeating "night night."  I don't think I could love that boy more.  And I don't think J-Man's smile could have been bigger.  What a perfect way to end a far from perfect week.

So, November, what are you gonna throw at us G's this week to keep us focused on gratitude?

Earmuffs

Remember when I went to the interwebs to find out if one lucky day I were to be blessed with a baby, just what it would look like?  If not, just click back to see the cuteness that was predicted.

Well this past weekend, J-Man and I went to a lovely resort in Leesburg (not an oxymoron somehow), and PDG stayed with his H Grandparents and Big Sis.  They spoiled him and cuddled him and, at one point, put these super cute earmuffs on him.

When I saw it, my heart kinda melted.  Turns out the internet wasn't too terribly far off.  I mean, he's a boy, and his hair isn't that intense, but it was on the right track.  And I'm just as happy as I thought I would be.  Even when he screams at me because I can't manage to cut grapes as fast as he can devour them.

First Halloween

Question One - When did waking up at 7 become sleeping in?

Question Two - Is there anything better about Halloween than babies in adorable outfits?

So, since I couldn't post ALL of my photos on facebook, I've reserved some for you

Apparently when you have a kid, the thing to do is to put them in front of pumpkins and gourds and take pictures.  So we did.  He tolerated us.

He did manage to stand using only one hand to balance instead of two.  Yikes.

For the church party (which, whoa, does my ward throw an intense party complete with bonfire, trick or treating, chili cook-off and marshmallow sling shots among the activities) we went with a dragon suit.  He even stayed up past his bedtime all snuggled and warm

 Lately he really likes picking up his food, and he's finally good at it, so snacks are a more and more important time of the afternoon.  They also keep him from crying randomly for no reason.  Not sure where he inherited this intense, never-ending appetite, but whatever, I'll keep feeding him.

On the actual day he went as a pumpkin, as his cousins have in previous years.  Here he was visiting Grandma H at the hospital and bringing a little cheer

Even after wearing it all day at daycare, then all afternoon at the hospital, he was still happy enough to capture a smile at home.  Before, you know, scooting around and trying to eat shoes, dirt, wires, and stroller wheels. Oh, this kid....

Hope you had a Happy Halloween too.

Babymorphing

I'm not pregnant.  But if I were, look what a cutie the interwebs say J-Man and I could make

Come on Mother Nature, doesn't the world need an adorable Afro-Eskimo named Nicole the G Jr?

Curious about your own future children?  Check out this baby morphing site.  Just beware, even truly beautiful people with carefully selected pictures can still cause the world wide web to think their kid might actually look like this...

Special thanks to friends who enjoy procrastinating on baby websites as much as I do!

The Cuteness

The system is down at work, so what better time to write?!

Last night, J-Man and I finished the movie Babies.  You know, the one where you just watch four super cute kids from around the world discover their toes and their balance and the universal mistreatment from older siblings.  It's darling.  And J-Man wins major extra bonus points for sitting through it with me.

Now we started this baby-watching experience on Halloween.  Why? You ask.  Well we needed something a little lighter after watching Teeth.

If you haven't heard of Teeth, you should look it up here.  I'd explain, but it's creepy and weird and yet kind of funny.

We decided after a fun weekend of Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rallying and pre-rallying and visitors from Pittsburgh we would chill for Halloween night and watch a scary movie.  And then afterward we decided we needed to restore our faith in the female reproductive system so we turned to these cutie pies.

It was classic.  J-Man and I are immersed in big decisions about what sorts of testing we're open to with regards to how much science we want interfering with our lack of success in the baby-making arena and so on and such, so in the meantime we just needed some cuteness.  Which is all it is.  Simple background music and adorably cute kids doing their thing.

Have I mentioned how precious they are?  Usually it's the toddlers that tug my  heartstrings but these here infants here stepped up their game.

Also, this makes you wonder about "modernized civilizations."  We have all these great toys and books for our kiddos but should we instead just let them roll around with the dirt, risk getting stepped on by cows and goats, let them eat toilet paper while chained to a bed just to see the satisfaction of baby independence and gummy smiles?  It's pretty tempting.

This is all to say nothing at all.  Except maybe.  Do you think we ever learn as much as we do during that first year of life?  Is anything ever as new and satisfying as first steps and first words?  Are we on a downhill journey where we peaked at twelve months?  Am I falling into the deep thoughts cyclone that ripped apart last week?

Here's one more shot to bring us back to the cuteness.