If you're on Facebook, which even Mama H is these days (can you believe it?!), then you probably get reminded all the time of pictures you posted on this date in years past. I think someone in California was like, how can we force people to look at other people's weddings and babies over and over and over again without the original poster being even more obnoxious than they already might be.
So, issue #1 - if I already liked the picture in the past I don't know if it makes me a bad person not to like it again however many years later. I mean, some posts are hilarious or over the top precious, and it is interesting to see time flying for things like first days of school and such. But honestly, that's not always the case.
Issue #2 though is that Facebook has decided to remind me, at least once a week, that I used to be in this giddy, adorable relationship. The kind that makes you post cute photos of you and your boyfriend/fiance/spouse doing cutesy date activities because you're so darn happy and it will never end.
Now I don't negate the happiness. Read the blog. I was head over heels enamored for a very long time. I just sometimes wake up and remember the state JG and I have now found ourselves in and the last thing I want to do is see how awesome we were. I'm glad we were. I truly am. I love our history and our beginning and more than anything I love these crazy, awesome. adorable. ridiculous boys we created together. They're the absolute best ever. I will always be thankful I fell in love in New York and took a risk on the man I married because all the heartache is still worth it. And, as evidenced in the flashbacks, most of it for a very long time was not heartache. It was bliss and comfort and companionship.
So maybe there's a button that a younger millennial can show me to avoid the barrage of happy memories? Or maybe part of moving on and adapting to change is learning how to accept the past being launched at your face when you'd really rather be mindlessly scrolling and liking happy babies and weddings and vacation getaways.
I don't know.
Either way, it's not like it would help me forget the dates that matter over the summer and fall months. I mean, I still remember birthdays of kids I went to elementary school with. I'm not going to forget August 15th. November 12th. September 6th. Or September 4th or 5th or the other September 6th that eventually led to February 6th. Maybe this whole elephant brain is gonna get me year after year even if I do take a Facebook hiatus.
But when I invent my time machine - along with unsending quite a few emails, being way more thoughtful with certain college decisions, finding the cross streets of the bar from spectacle night, and spending more time with Mom-Mom that final year - I'm going to insert a bunch of ridiculous posts on Facebook to be seen only by me, so that when I return to the present 2017 I can be reminded of cute things like rabbits and pigs napping together, clouds that look like unicorns, me sleeping eight hours uninterrupted and so on. Facebook can remind me of that as much as it wants. I'll smile as I start my daily scroll. I won't repost unless it's over the top adorable. And when I'm ready for all the emotions, then I'll click on old albums or return to old blog posts here to relive the magical and heart-wrenching story of my first great love.
I didn’t agree with you first, but last paragraph makes sense for me…
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Just want you to know that I'm reading. And I'm sending love in whatever form it needs to come for you. And since vulnerability breeds vulnerability, things aren't all peachy over here. We can save that for another time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, for someone who has also felt deep grief, trauma, and loss in the past 18 months, your written words are so soothing. Thank you.
XO.