You Know. Me.

You know, it's funny.  When I wanted to start keeping a blog I really struggled with the idea. I wanted to find my "angle."  What would set me apart? I wanna be special, you know? So most importantly, which me did I want as the author? Not that I have multiple personalities (at least, I don't think I do), but more, which part of the grander, broader Nicole would be writing?  I'm already one of those privacy oddballs who has groups on facebook that delineate who sees what pictures based on whom I'd actually show that album to if they were actually sitting in my living room. Actually. And if they'd be sitting in my living room at all.  Because, let's face it, not many people come sit in my living room and look at my pictures...

But back to the issue at hand.  Which Nicole?

There's Nerdy Nicole.  She's probably the easiest.  She's the one who works in the test prep business slaying evil dragons called SAT and ACT.  She did the fancy college deal and (in high school) thought A-'s were abominable, and she reads just enough of the New York Times to have clever recent studies to quote when dropped into a high-brow conversation.  But she's a little boring for blogging, right?

Or there's Black Nicole.  She's got the whole "had to figure out where I fit in" storyline to her.  She deals with typical hair dilemmas like relaxers and other hair blessings like not having to wash it daily.  But she doesn't fit many stereotypes.  She has her stories with the n-word and strong opinions on affirmative action and the word "colorblind," but she was raised by her segregation-era parents to transcend racial stereotypes and not be bound by them.  So why bind her blog?

There's Mormon Nicole.  But that one's tricky, because one would expect that Mormon Nicole still attends church every week.  And at times, Mormon Nicole does.  And at times, Mormon Nicole doesn't.  Still, she's closely tied to the faith, and she treasures with utmost sanctitude her experiences of baptism, missionaries, and the temple.  But to pretend that years back and forth with her testimony wouldn't create instant hypocrisy in such a faith blog would be the biggest untruth she'd ever told.  Plus there are a bunch of mormon bloggers out there, so the competition's rough and she isn't nearly as crafty.

There's Married Nicole.  And Married Nicole really wants a baby. And Married Nicole isn't satisfied with the current timeline and prospects.  On the upside, Married Nicole is happily married to Married J-Man.  And maybe that is the blessing Married Nicole gets for now.  And maybe that is enough to last a lifetime, and Married Nicole's love will be received by some other child whose parents were blessed differently and need help caring for their offspring etc.  Time will tell.  But if this is all from just Married Nicole's perspective, the terms "ovulation" and "POAS" will probably come up so often that anyone besides J-Man might be disgusted.

And so the list goes on, and all the Nicoles have their pluses and their minuses.  So I think today, it's just about Nicole the G.  Because yes, J-Man and I are the ultimate, well-educated gangstas who happen to have a last initial of G.  And because my J-Man is the love of my life, and I want to remember the rest of our story. 

So J-Man, this one's for you.  If anyone else reads, so be it. Maybe you'll see a new side of me too.

But before I go.  The real reason I wanted to write is this: a question.

Why is it that the cheapest restaurants are the only ones to give out toys?  And at that, to the people who don't even pay?  You go to Mickey D's and four year olds get to leave with a transformer or non-bending barbie product but you order a $50 steak and lobster and all you get is someone who watches you pee in the bathroom and waits for tips?  I work hard for that dough.  What's up with that?

I think we adults deserve a prize at the end of a meal too.  Maybe, at a seafood restaurant like the fancy one on the water we went to yesterday (The Charthouse, Old Town Alexandria, Delicious), there should be a pirate's chest of giveaways.  Like at a dentist.  And you could choose something fun.  Little shrimp toys with faces and tails that function as weapons.  Maybe something more adult-like - an iPhone app perhaps?  Honestly, I'd settle for a button.  And I'd keep them in a popcorn tin like I used to keep my fast food toys.  And I'd be happy.

I don't know, I'm just sayin'.  We deserve it.