Midsection Mania

First, a warning: If talk of uteruses and intestines makes you queasy or uncomfortable, this is not the post for you.

That being said, I'll proceed.

This week was a rough one on the insides of us G's.

First, PDG swallowed a penny. Yep. This guy

He loves 'moneys' and was admiring the coin while lying on his back. A few moments later he coughed super hard and looked visibly upset, so we grabbed him fearing he might need the heimlich. He didn't, thank heavens, but he did start crying "where is it? where'd it go? I want it!" while sticking out his tongue.

Despite wanting to slide into denial about what had just happened, J-Man and I confronted it head on. We poured a cup of apple cider and called it  "special penny juice." J-Man slid me another penny which I held in my hand, visible once he finished his "treat" under the glass. In PDG's mind, he had managed to drink a delicious drink and magically bring the penny back from his belly.

In our minds we began wondering how long it takes for a coin to navigate a two year old's digestive tract and would he be ok?

The answers, we later discovered, were five days and yes.

But, as if that weren't enough midsection mayhem for us, it got worse.

During my annual trip to the lady doctor (which, when you have two kids in twenty months becomes so much more than annual that the receptionists call you 'family' and get excited at the prospect there could be a #3 - which there isn't by the way) they suggested doing another sonogram to check on my Mirena.  Let's just say that the usual way you're supposed to check on an IUD had disappeared, so a follow up appointment was scheduled.

Well, I showed up to the office's new sono lab and did the whole deal. It was far less nerve-wracking while not wondering boy-or-girl? or is-the-heart-spot-gone? or is-there-a-heartbeat? type questions.

At least, it was.

Until, after reconfirming my PCOS and doing both the easy and the uncomfortable types of scans, she looked at me all serious and said "I have to be honest. I don't see it."

Next step - call in the docs. Next step - use words like "possibly in your abdomen" and "possibly expulsed" and "might need to scope it out" and "x-ray."

Ugh

So, yeah, off I went to radiology, where I had to sign papers swearing I wasn't pregnant and that if I were, it isn't their fault if I miscarry due to the x-ray (which was strangely really emotional) before they finally let me get it taken. I tried to tell her that two docs and a sonographer had just been all up in my uterus, if there'd been a baby we would've noticed it, but she was "just doing her job."

Most telling quote of the visit: "Oh there it is. Or, well, maybe. I don't know, we'll send it to the doctor to say for sure. That's why they get paid the big bucks."

So where is the IUD now? Good question.

Hopefully, like the penny, it's figured out an exit plan.  After all, I really don't want to go back and ask Dr. S just what he meant by "scope it out."

Yeah. No thanks.

Hello Pill, we meet again after five years.