Sister, Sister

Have you ever asked a question that you know you shouldn't ask just because, well, you want to know the answer all the way until you don't?

For example, a common one I have discussed with friends.  Do you tell your spouse, or boyfriend, or lover or boo what you dream about?  I'm not saying every night.  I'm saying the night after you watch a sappy romance movie with a steamy more-lust-than-romance scene and you drift into a subconscious affair with the man of your dreams who happens to be none other than... someone you should totally never admit out loud!

I imagine it happens to us all, right?  But we just can't talk about it. J-Man and I have a rule, see, because I'm known to be a tad bit crazy.  So while I can easily write off any such nocturnal miscasting as inception-esque brain takeover in my own head, I have never in my life written it off in the head of someone else.

"Oh no, you were dreaming about who?  So that's who you want?  No? Then you wish I looked more like her?  So you think she's prettier?  Not prettier, then... sexier?  Huh?  Huh?!  HUH?!?!  I bet she wouldn't love you like I do.  Because I love you.  And clearly you don't return the feeling."

That's more or less how it goes.

This weekend we had a close call with irrational-Nicole.  As my sister and I lounged around the house with our parents she decided to ask a fun question.

"Nicole, what do you think we have in common?"

Since you probably know both me and Big Sis, you know it can be pretty questionable how we shared a womb.  For example, I shower as often as necessitated by the general public, but I will never say "I love showers, they make me feel so good."  Instead it's more "Ugh, has it been a day already?  Let me go shower so I can get dressed."  Big Sis is the opposite.  Her planner is beautifully annotated with a color-coded system.  I keep a raggedy notebook and don't write in the pages in any sequential order.  She curls her hair.  I pull mine into a bun.  Ponytail on a good day.  Curls or flat-iron when J-Man has earned it.

You get the picture

We started to list the few things that came to mind, separated by long awkward pauses.  We're both tall... uh... smart... goal oriented...  um...  maybe... we like being in charge of stuff...  we think we're funny and laugh at our own jokes...

That was it.  Twenty-some years of coexisting in the same very tight knit family and that's what we've got.

So J-Man wandered in.  You know, all sweet-yet-gangster-like to have a Girl Scout cookie.  That's when I made my near fatal mistake.

"J-Man, what do you think Big Sis and I have in common?"

silence

"Uh, I think, uh, you guys already put together a good list."

"But you know us both, what makes us similar?"

Thankfully Big Sis stepped in.  She pointed out I wasn't being fair.  And J-Man agreed.  They said he'd name off one or two that I'd agree with, and then on the third he'd name something and I'd just nod my head.  Then on the car ride home I'd ask him how he could possibly think we're the same with regard to that trait.  How it's something I pride myself on being different about.  How maybe if that's what he wanted then he picked the wrong sister.  Etc.

And while, in the moment, I thought no way, I wouldn't pull any stunts like that, deep down I knew the truth.  Some questions you just don't probe.

I love my Big Sis to pieces, and think it's great that we are totally, completely different people.  I like to think that's part of what makes our parents so great - to raise two daughters who both turned out alright despite having pretty much nothing in common.

And Big Sis, if you're reading, I thought of one more to add to the list.  We both are totally content being each other's opposite, and love ourselves and each other just the way we are (even though it's totally clear one of us had to be secretly switched somewhere along the way!)