So, I left a few of you hanging with my post last month about my possibly missing IUD. I've tried to fill many of you in, but in case we haven't gotten to chat about my insides, let me share a story full of Christmas Magic.
The day after I wrote last I received a call from my doctor's office saying they needed to see me that day because they had located the IUD but couldn't discuss it over the phone. I guess legal reasons? I don't know. That's a pretty crappy phone call to receive.
Once in the office, with both boys at my side, my doctor (Dr S, the one who did all but the last hour of PDG's delivery and whom I trust most in the practice) informed me that my Mirena really had escaped my uterus and was just chillin' in my pelvis. He told me it happens very rarely, but that the fix was pretty simple - a laparascopy. (If you're unfamiliar, which I was, it's a procedure where they do two small incisions, one for a tiny camera with a light, and the other for the instrument, in my case forceps, to do whatever small work needs to be done in your lower abdomen) He also offered to insert a new IUD while he was in there, and do it with the camera so there could be no question about its placement like the other method allows. No pressure though. He was just presenting options.
For some reason, I agreed. Had I known the rest of the story, maybe I wouldn't have. But what happened to me is rare, and I just couldn't fathom this craziness happens twice. Plus, for however long it was in there, I had no bad side effects. Well, except its escape. Which maybe should trump any others? Who knows... I thought about it and decided I really didn't want a pill or patch so like a semi-crazy person, I said yeah, let's try again and hope for the best.
Oh, and somewhere in there Dr S playfully told me how lucky I am to not have given my (thankfully well-behaved) boys a sister for Christmas since who knows how long the IUD had been out of commission. For the first time ever I was a little grateful for my PCOS and infertility struggles since they'd been more protective than my actual birth control.
We scheduled the procedure for two weeks later (I felt better knowing it wasn't an emergency) and I tried not to be my typical anxiety-ridden self in the meantime.
The morning of the surgery came and Mama H drove me in while Papa H kept the boys. I had a great team of nurses and assistants get me ready for the OR, and even moments before going back Dr. S was being jovial with me and telling me he anticipated we should be in and out in ten minutes. All they'd need to do was quickly blow up my tummy, make the incisions, pluck out the old and insert the new. They might not even need to do the breathing tube.
According to the text updates from Mama H to Big Sis, ten minutes was actually one hour. Turns out that sneaky IUD wasn't in my pelvis anymore. Nope. It was up in my ribcage. Thankfully not poking anything important, but just a little below my heart/lungs.
Yeah, let that soak in.
So, already bothered by the fact it had escaped, Dr S wanted to be sure I didn't have any tears in my uterus, or any scar tissue to be dealt with if it truly had escaped many months ago. Turns out I had neither. That's right. No proof whatsoever that this thing had ever escaped at all.
If you're wondering, well was it ever even in there? - it was. A month after insertion they had me come in for a checkup, and when he realized the strings weren't there, we did a quick ultrasound and it was snug as a bug where it should be. Not where we found it 10 months later like a birth control ninja.
I only vaguely remember talking to Dr S in Recovery, though Mama H tells me he said he has only ever had to do a removal like this twice, and the other time it had not gotten far like it had for me. Overall, I was an anomaly in his career and he still couldn't understand how it physically happened.
As for me, I guess I've grown ok with it all. I have the new IUD and have a checkup this week. I took a bunch of percosets those first days and was definitely grumpy mcgrumperson when I went back to work (admittedly a day earlier than I probably should have). As for the future, assuming this lil guy doesn't also magically run off, I'll keep it in for the five years. But then, that'll be it. Unless they can surgically insert it again so I have the peace of mind that it's in ideal position, I'm not doing this again. Maybe it'll be time to tie my tubes? Or J-Man's? Or maybe we'll go for number 3? Only time will tell I guess.
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