I Wrote a Thing

Oh man, I haven't felt this full of anxiety since the day I decided to announce I have a blog on Facebook. I forgot what a tingly and terrible headache comes with pressing "post."

I've been busy the last few days, finishing up my goal of getting this book published before the end of the year. I sort of wanted to say "screw it" and not rush publishing under the guise of waiting until I'd written a sequel, or something better, or just had the perfect cover and website built for it and so on. Let's be real, I had a lot of excuses, and they sounded good.

J-Man asked me why the panic attack today - like I said, it's been a long time since my anxiety won over my brain, and it's a really unpleasant feeling that transmits this terrifying fear that you'll never not feel this way or have a resting heartbeat again - and I couldn't really explain it. As I'd talk, the rationale became less and less, well, rational. See, the thing I published is this:

But, what you find out a few pages in, is that it has some swear words. And some kinda steamy scenes. Not gratuitous, but they're there. And there are people from church on my Facebook and so what if....

What if what? Right? Someone's going to think I'm a terrible person? Come on. That's ridiculous. I mean, I suppose someone could think I'm a terrible person, but it's doubtful it would take them the act of purchasing my book and reading partway through before suddenly jumping to that conclusion.

But there are also published authors and writers on my friends list. One who's had more than one front page NY Times article and another whose show is going on Broadway later this year. Professors and PhD's and...

So? They know that writing is scary and time-consuming and something to be proud of, even when no one reads it. If they say "congrats" they aren't sending some weird passive-aggressive commentary that should make me feel bad about myself. Who the heck spins "congrats" into negative feedback anyway? Besides me, that is.

This is the sort of conversation bouncing around my fiery brain all day. Thankfully I spent most of the day at the Kennedy Center seeing Bright Star, which I highly recommend if you like musicals and/or banjos.

Anyway, I'm ok, because at the end of the day, I decided to do it. I tried the traditional agent route and it didn't work. They gave me kind feedback, the ones that read it, which was more than I ever expected to happen. My too-many years of making up stories with my Fisher Price Little People actually lead to real life professionals considering whether to pursue a plot I dreamt up and pieced together during nap times and bed times and backyard wild times. That's its own little miracle.

With the confidence from them, and some of you, I checked out Amazon's user-friendly process of creating an e-book, and here I am. Published with a different last name.

Now, as for my 2016 resolution, I'm keeping it nice and simple. Drink more water.

I think I can avoid a xanax-worthy status update coming your way in early 2017 on that one. Ha!