NIAW

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. 

I thought about being one of those people who posts on facebook about all the people with a certain kind of dream that won't ever achieve it and if you don't repost you're obviously not going to heaven...  You know, a good ol' Guilt Status.  I'm just not really ready for people to know.

Ha!  Says the girl with the public blog.  But for real, facebook people are different, right?  Because they sort of know you.  Not like real friends who actually know you, or strangers who will never know you.

So instead, I'll share my ramblings with you. 

I'm secretly hoping that this week will be a very ironic week.  One that plays a big role in an actual pregnancy story where I can later tell a little angel how when I really thought I was out, again, and officially diagnosed part of this club of men and women in silent agony, my own miracle was coming true.

These are dangerous daydreams, and I try to keep them to a minimum.  They only make things hurt more.  So after I think these hopeful sweet scenarios I like to cancel them out by imagining a week full of negative tests that only serve to depress me and the contents of my wallet.  And history shows this is the more likely reality.

Even so, in this week so soon before mother's day, I'm going to try to think of the millions of people who are struggling and say a little prayer for them too. Regardless of how this month, or next month, or the month after turn out for me, I know this journey has taught me things about myself physically, mentally, and spiritually that will stay for years to come.

And if you'll join in the cause with me, let's not ask married people if they want kids this week.  Maybe they do.  Maybe they fight back tears when you ask.  Maybe they lie and tell you their husband isn't ready, or they aren't ready, or they're too busy at work.  Maybe they would gladly drink whatever water is knocking people up, or be the magical third in the rule of threes.  

This week, let's think of all the other blessings in the world.  Marriages, sunshine, family, friends, careers, teams, vacations, pink, green, spring and so much more.  All the millions of things that make us happy.  And infertility, rather than a source of awkward embarrassment, be simply an acknowledged blip on a radar screen of so much more.