A Good Day

This morning I had a test to check on some stuff that you probably don't want details about (or I have plans to email you about it separately) but I took away a few important thoughts from the experience

First off, nurses are amazing.  I know everyone gives love to doctors, and so do I, but when I have a great nurse I really, really remember them.  Today was Daisy, and she was the best.  She talked to me, asked me questions that weren't on a chart, made sure I was comfortable, and treated me the way I would imagine she'd treat her own daughter.  She even got me heated blankets for the cold, dark radiology room and held my hand during the uncomfortable procedure.  I'm so thankful for her kindness.

Second, radiology rooms are like space stations.  The fancy protective suits with the neckbands and the sterile metal everything and the giant looming machine.  And the doctor who won't be your real doctor so they're nice but don't need to be as nice so they just loom over you.  The technology is fascinating and overwhelming and all very new-agey. That, and the feeling that you're out of your element and feel like you're drifting away from reality, looking for an anchor to return home.

Third, mothering, this endeavor I want so badly, will never end once it's begun.  I called my own Mama H right after calling J-Man to proclaim the good news and I heard the tremble in her voice as she picked up the phone.  I knew, in just her hello, that she'd been thinking of me, was worried for me, wanted anything for me not to be going to hospitals and doing tests and taking the long road on this journey.  I don't know what that feels like, yet, but I imagine it will come.  This concern and love and hope for a being that you can only support but not control.  It will come "when the time is right" or "when God sees fit" or "when I relax" or "when I give up." 

I like the days when I see good in everyone.  Not the days I get mad or jealous or sad or confused.  Days like this where, even if doors aren't exactly opening, nothing is shutting.  Aren't these days the best?