The 4-month Check-Up

What is it that I don't like about the doctor?  Any doctor.  I actually need to call a doctor about something for myself, and keep putting it off and putting it off.  They might help cure my body, but somehow they don't really make me feel good....

I've liked the pediatrician's office so far.  The doctors rotate so you meet them all, and I've been impressed with each one.  Until Monday.

Knowing my appointment time, I crafted PDG's schedule for eating and sleeping that morning so he would be awake and well-fed at the office, and fall asleep on the car ride home.  Usually I lean more on the "on-demand" side of parenting, but on a day where shots were involved, I wanted to be a little more prepared.

So tell me why the doctor was running 45 minutes late?!  I know, I know.  Healthcare is complex.  Doctors have to see a lot of patients.  Things come up. Yeah, yeah, that's all logical and fine when there isn't a very tired baby you have to keep entertained in a quiet waiting room.  Especially one with lungs like PDG.  Good thing they didn't take my vitals too, as I'm sure my blood pressure was through the roof when we were finally seen.

The nurse was apologetic and quickly did the measurements.  He's 16lb 4oz (67%) and 26.5in (94%). So long and relatively slim.  Shocker :)

The doctor, however, was less concerned by her tardiness.  In fact, she seemed bothered by me having a whole list of questions.  It's not like I was trying to make her any later, but I still deserve to be answered.  Each thing I was worried about seemed trivial to her, yet the fact that I hadn't realized his eczema was eczema was met with a stare that felt like daggers.  I was told more tummy time (we do lots), don't nurse less in order to feed solids (like he'd let me nurse less!), stop nursing him to sleep, and other things that are probably standard but somehow just came out a little harsh.

Now, I'm not going to get into the whole Cry It Out debate on here, because every family is different, every kid is different, and baby researchers include a lot of crazies on both sides, but the topic did come up in the G house.  How can we cut out all these night wakings when he isn't hungry?  Sure, sometimes he's hungry, but not every 1.5 hours.  No way.  And if he is hungry, for the record, I do feed him.  I'm not trying to get him to stop eating.  Just to stop thinking he must eat to sleep. Or that eating will make his upset tummy better instead of worse. I'm fully prepared to continue nourishing him as much as he needs, even if it does come at the cost of my sleep.  It's just, does he need nourishment or nurturing when he's waking up?  How do you know?  What if we're wrong?

So we G's talked it through, did what we felt was best, and for three nights have had 8-11 hours of cry-less sleep.  Will it last?  Who knows.  Is PDG happier?  I think so.  Do I have any clue what I'm doing?  No more than ever. But on the night that was 8 hours, he cried just enough for me to know it was for real, ate, and fell back asleep on his own. That's a win, right?

So perhaps not everything the doctor suggested was a pointed attack on my capacity as a mother.  Maybe none of it actually was.  But for three nights I've slept.  And if/when this new approach stops working, I'll go to google, my fear-inducing but non-judgmental friend, to tide me over until I have to go back to the doc.  A different doc.  Who will hopefully be on time, and as friendly as the ones before were.